From Across the Pond

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Happy 2008, Reflection on 2007

Happy New Year.

May the New Year bring you happiness.
But if it bring you sadness, conflict, or trials
May there always be there those to support to,
And to remind you that the good times will come again
However unlikely that might seem.

Of all the lessons I learned in 2007 This was the most important:
That even when you have fallen into a pit,
Even when you are in a dark tunnel without a lamp
And with no light in sight,
Even when you know yourself that all you do is wrong
And that you believe yourself to be nothing that a failure,
Even when you wish to end it all
To cease to be
Even then there are those who will come to your aid
Support you, help you up and out,
Who will throw you the lifeline and the liferaft,
Who will stand by you even when you feel you cannot stand yourself
Who will make the time, take the time,
To give the time you need,
And who will tell you, again and again
That you will be yourself once more.

Two thousand and seven has taught me this. And I am grateful, beyond what these words, any words, have the power to convey.

God Bless you All, and May His Blessings Be Upon You All, both in the Year to Come, and in all the Years that follow. Amen.

January 01, 2008 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

In Memoriam II

My Grandad passed away last night. He had taken ill a few days after my Nana's death. Since Monday he has been in hospital, hovering on the edge of life, and now he has departed it to follow where she led.

I know very little of my Grandad's early life. He was however a London boy. His teenage years were in the London of the Blitz. He turned 16 in 1944 and joined the Grenadier Guards. He was shipped to the Western Front in 1945, but the war ended before he saw active service. In later years, as a MP, he served in Singapore in the early 1950s. He met my Nana on the troopship home. Arriving back in Britain he vowed never to go abroad ever again, an oath he kept with only two exceptions - day-trips to Normandy in later years to visit the grave of his brother who died on the 7th June 1944.

My grandad was quite a quiet man, in many ways Nana shone brighter. Indeed I would go so far as to call him a simple man in terms of his wants and his needs. He loved dogs, and I remember well their dog Rusty from my first memories. After retirement and when they moved to Essex he was a keen gardener, and when I used to visit for a week's holiday in the summer often our plates would contain produce from the garden, be it runner beans, potatoes, carrots, or anything else. His creations were not just in terms of vegetables however, he used to make candles, and played an active role in the local church.

Quite a few years ago now my Grandad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. At first this did not trouble him unduly, but as the symptoms progressed he used to become very angry with himself. Then, and I can remember it quite distinctly, he seemed to find a way to accept his condition, and he would turn it into a joke. This is not to say he was always cheerful, and I remember with great sadness when he stopped going to Church. At the Church he carried the cross in and out at the start and end of the service, and when he stopped doing this it took a great deal out of him. His memory became increasingly erratic. I remember one occasion when I visited, and he could not remember where my Nana had gone to (to the local shop to get bread), yet we sat down and looked through a photo album my nan had recently discovered with pictures from his time in the army, and he remembered then very well. In the event it was the last proper conversation I was ever able to have with him.

He continued to decline. At my Nana's eightieth birthday party he had mostly gone - but I say mostly because there were times when you could see a moment of comprehension in his eyes before it fled. This is what makes Alzheimer's such a trial, that the one you grew up loving is still there, so close, yet so out of reach. Yet we were fortunate, in that the medication my grandad was on kept him with us for far longer than he would otherwise have been.

The last time I saw my grandad, earlier this year, there seemed to be little left. And yet there was this one moment, when I was sitting with him, when he looked at me. And in his eyes I could see him remember, for an instant, who I was. Then the moment passed. Although my grandad is now dead, in many respects I have been saying my goodbyes now for a long time. But for me this now represents the passing of something: my last grandparent is now dead. For me that generation, the generation for whom the war was won, is almost out of reach. There are few of them left. And I treasure the friendship of those I still know.

Requiem aeterna

October 22, 2007 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (4)

In memoriam

On Friday morning my Nana, my father's mother, passed away. She had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer (probably pancreatic) back in April. She had been in reasonable health until a few weeks ago, when she began to enter the terminal phase. On Thursday she was told that she would not return home from an already planned trip to a local hospice. She arrived in the hospice, and was settled into her bed. She closed her eyes, and now finally freed from all her responsibilities in this world - her house being the final one - she slipped away.

She was 81, and she had lived those 81 years. The last time I spoke to her she was mostly concerned to hear that I was recovering from my depression. Satisfied, we said our goodbyes for the final time.

She was 81, her family hailing from King's Lynn in Norfolk. Her father was in the Royal Navy, and grew up initially in Portsmouth. She remembered bombing scares from the original IRA - some things never change. She remembered the doodlebugs and V2 rockets of world war 2, and remembers one incident when she was working in a hospital and a doodlebug hit the children's wing. She served in the WRAC, and was in Singapore during the Malayasian Insurgency. She could be quite the party animal, not the demure little old lady she sometimes looked like. There were a group of them working together - the one is charge was the one somehow managed to have stayed out of trouble the longest. She said the position changed with some regularity!

On the ship back from Singapore she met my Grandad, and they were married on their return. In 1953 she gave birth to my father, and in due course to my uncles. In the following years she returned to work, long before being a working mother was fashionable. Indeed, she was earning more than my grandad, being the main breadwinner. While other women her generation and younger were complaining of lower pay she was out in the workingplace actively doing something about it. She was that kind of feminist, and had very little sympathy for the protesters who expected to achieve equality without earning it.

I knew most of this only in the last few years, for as a child you only know Nana to be someone who is fun to be with, someone to whom you go on holiday, who takes you on trips around London. I remember trips to the Tower, riding on the (then) new Docklands railway, to the museums, that formed a regular part of my summer. Yet someone always willing to put up with a constant questions, encouraging them, and what they led to. In more recent years we would spend hours discussing the various books we had just read.

She had a love of travelling, and did so right up to the final couple of years. This joined with her love of the Orient, and many of her books in her later years were concerning China, or SE Asia, or India. She had a particular interest in feminist issues in those nations and women's struggles, though also a greater interest in the overall culture. She would speak of the places she had served in fifty years ago, and the changes that had taken place. While we often disagreed with politics on books we would always find common ground. To my great delight she acquired from me a taste of Terry Pratchett, and she was also a fan of Harry Potter.

My greatest regret is that  her health declined before I was able to take her to see a performance of Shakespeare in the Globe. It would have been her birthday present, but some things are just not meant to be.

It is typical of her that she has left very little for my father and uncles to do. Her funeral is all planned - date obviously notwithstanding - her records are as complete premortem as they can be. It was just like her to have approached her death with such practicality. But while she could be hard headed she could also be a lot of fun, there was always there the spirit of the girl in her teens and twenties who would get drunk of an evening, just like the youth of today.

While those of us who knew her loved her remember her, remember her spirit and good humour, she will not wholly die.

October 13, 2007 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (3)

Writer's block cure

Or at the very least, a personal cure for writer's apathy.

1) Some decent grub. My choice was a bacon and black pudding sandwich.

2) Some suitable mood-enchaning entertaining. For me, Phantom of the Opera, watched with headphones so I watch and listen to it at an interestingly high volume.

3) Open word. Start writing, while listening to Mozart's Requiem at a volume that is probably going to make me go deaf in a dozen years.

Four hours after starting step 1, block (or apathy) broken. Result!

February 20, 2007 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (1)

Penguins!

Well, I have now seen my first penguins. In fact, they are probably not my first - I am sure I must have seen some in childhood visit to zoos- but yesterday I saw quite a few. Indeed, got quite close several times, on one particular occasion within a few feet of a penguin and a chick. They were Magellanic Penguins, which make burrows. Fortunately I got a picture, but then my batteries ran out and I had neglected to bring along more for that particular little jaunt. Also saw some Cormorants, a bird of prey whose name now escapes me (a crested somethingorother), and a sort of heron.

We had gone up to a place called Gypsy Cove. This is near Yorke Bay, where the Argentines landed. An absolutely lovely beach, beautiful white sand in a long sweep, which unfortunately if off limits due to the risk of Argentine landmines. There were penguins were basking on the sand or swimming in the sea - and what swimmers!

All for now. We'll see how regular I can manage these updates!

December 30, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am here

I am here! 177 hours late, as I said when I met my father! But, alls well that ends well, and I am now here. Here, of course, being Stanley in the Falkland Islands. When I return to the UK I will probably post some pictures, but probably not while I am here. First impression though is wind. When I got off the aeroplane you felt buffeted like you do when you are driving with the window down. The sun is pretty warm too, but then it is summer.

Will report more later, but the first and best news is: I am here.

December 29, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (2)

Another go

Well, I have been called forward to this evening's flight down to the Falklands, and am about to depart to Brize Norton in about an hour. Better luck this time!!!

December 27, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cancelled

Well, I am sorry to say that the holiday I had been hoping to go on simply hasn't happened. You may well have heard (or if live in the UK, almost certainly seen) all the fog we have had here. That was not the reason - the aircraft is broken and cannot be mended. So I am not going out to the Falklands for Christmas. While it is not impossible I may get down there sometime next week, I think that is unlikely. I can but hope.

Nevertheless, I am obviously fairly disappointed right now. Indeed, it would be more honest to say I am very upset, and angry, even though in this case there is no real available target. Better the problem happened on the ground than in the air or, as most likely would have been the case, on landing.

Meanwhile, I am trying to make something of a phoenix from these ashes. Fortunately I have a family who, I am sure, will be equal to the task.

Merry Christmas

December 23, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

Off we go...

Well my flight booking has been confirmed. Barring last minute accident, it looks like it will really be happening.

Mount Pleasant International Airport here I (hopefully) come!

December 19, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

Christmas

It may seem strange to post here, speaking of Christmas plans and a planned (hoped) absence given how totally absent I have been. However, there is method to my madness, since the planned excursion might finally give me a way back in, the push to get the ball rolling again.

To whit, with luck (assuming I'm not bumped from the flight etc) next Wednesday I should be boarding a plan at RAF Brize Norton to head for the summery weather of the Falkland Islands, to spend the Season with my father who is stationed down there.

This promises to be quite a journey. One eight hour flight Ascension. A two-hour stopover, and a further eight hour flight to Mount Pleasant International Airport. It will be the first time I've cross the equator, and will most certainly be the longest journey in both time and distance I have ever made. I hope to even manage to blog about it.

So that is my plan this Christmastide. 

December 12, 2006 in Personal | Permalink | Comments (1)

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